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I knew from Sean that she was a NIH (National Institutes of Health) student, which meant that she would spend part of her first two years at Hopkins, but do her doctoral work elsewhere. She was also the only girl among the first-years that came. Minor detail. Still, I don't remember paying any attention to her at the lake; I was too busy rowing around on the canoe while she was enjoying the water.Eventually, everyone headed back to the cabin, unpacked, and pitched in to make dinner. When everyone sat down to eat, Sean commented on how we looked like a giant family. I noted that the duo sitting at the head and the foot of the table made rather bizarre parents, which drew a few chuckles. But then, no one at the table looked parentish.After dinner, the drinking games started. I admit to playing for the sole purpose of playing in the card game within the drinking game, but got bored when alcohol started to interfere with the cardplay. Besides, drinking orange juice during a drinking game. And I start thinking. Well she was loved. Even if she didn't appreciate it. She had friends. Even if they are vacuous bimbettes. She was at least attempting tertiary study, so maybe she had a future.I know enough in life to know you've got to play the hand you are dealt, and although suicide might seem an attractive option, I can't honestly say that this is my life to take. I do know that lying in that bed is not going to help, or ever hope to undo the damage. It is time to try and sort out what the hell has happened to me. See if I can find out who did this to me. My basic psychology knowledge tells me that grieving is a dynamic process. And whatever stage I'm at, it's time to move on. Something about Anger, denial, guilt... Well I haven't experienced any of these yet; maybe they are still to come. Anger sounds good though, although I don't think I've the energy for that.So, maybe being Kimberley is better than being dead, or in a bizarre catatonia, and if I'm still me on the.
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